Teaching Boys About Emotions with A Little Spot
January 10, 2024
Connecting the Dopamine Dots
January 10, 2024
Miriam Mammon
When we talk about education, there are so many conflicting opinions that many of us get lost in a sea of confusion. There are a few foundational principles that I think we can all agree on. I think we would all agree, parents and teachers alike, that one of our most important educational goals is for our children to live emotionally healthy, resilient, and well-balanced lives. I also think it’s safe to say that most parents and educators realize that when it comes to social-emotional situations and challenges, we cannot simply expect our students and children to just “figure it out” by themselves. Would any of us ever dream of getting into a car with a 16-year-old kid, handing him the keys, and asking him to drive us across town, without first giving him driving lessons? We cannot expect our children to learn how to resolve conflicts, emotionally regulate themselves, or begin to deal with the many challenges that come their way if we do not simply teach them how.
Navigating social and emotional situations can very often be confusing, complicated, and even stressful for a child. A child who has never been exposed to, or doesn’t have information and education in this area, will most likely struggle and have a difficult time in school, and more importantly, in life. Can we expect our children to naturally know how to be assertive, and stand down against a bully? Do we expect our children to know how to be empathic and include others or understand boundaries and privacy, without teaching and guiding them? Studies show that deficits in these areas can significantly impact a child’s overall development and mental health and impede his academic achievements as well.
After teaching for over a decade, I finally decided to approach my principal about starting Middos/SEL classes in our school, Derech Hatorah of Rochester. As a teacher, mother, and rebbetzin in my community, I felt like we were missing something critical and essential. Although we were teaching all the right subjects, I was afraid that we were shortchanging our precious children. It felt like we were missing out on helping our students develop core life skills and outlooks in a healthy, productive, positive Torahdik way. We were trying to incorporate character development and middos tovos into our lessons, yet with the swift pace of our academic learning, I knew that we were falling short.
Fast forward about 10 years, and with Hashem’s help, what was once a dream, became a reality. All these years later, I cannot imagine our school without it. In this article, I would like to share our journey with you, and the success of this program so that your schools can benefit as well. I would also like to share how it has positively impacted not only the education in our school, but the parent body. It is my sincere hope that with Hashem’s help, we can shed light on why this program is so essential to every child’s education so that we will be able to adequately address the real needs of our children and help them navigate this difficult world.
How The Program Works
Each class in our school, from kindergarten through fourth grade, and for the girls again from fifth through eighth grade, has Middos class once a week for 45 minutes. As the Social-Emotional Coordinator in the school, I teach this Middos class, designing my own curriculum based on the specific needs of each class. I periodically meet with teachers and administrators to better understand each class’s specific dynamic and struggles so I can tailor the lessons accordingly.
I have a list of topics that I try to cover, usually covering specific topics with each grade. I utilize middos curricula and sheets, stories and songs from other schools, various social-emotional websites, and I write my own as well. Generally, there is a specific order of what I teach, starting with emotions in kindergarten, moving on to talking about our neshamah and self-worth in the first grade. Different units we cover in various grades include respect, the power of speech, conflict resolution, emotional regulation, empathy, bullying prevention, and many others. The ultimate goal of these classes is to give the students a safe space to be heard, and the opportunity to think about and explore their struggles in different ways.
The modalities that I use vary from class to class. In the younger grades, we use lots of art, dramatic role-playing, songs, and stories. In the older grades, we play lots of interactive games and have lively discussions. The magic of this program is that everything is taught in a fun, interactive, and informative way.
I also have an opportunity to get to know the students on a more personal level through a unique program we started called “Tea and Talk”. During lunch, I meet with a few students at a time, and we chat, color, or play a game that helps the students feel comfortable to open up a little. Of course, each student gets a Snapple to drink as well.
The Success Of This Program
I am so grateful to Hashem, and so happy to say that the results of this program have been an overwhelming success. The successes have shown up in many different areas, small and large alike. We have children in kindergarten who can name their feelings, and not be afraid of them. Just a few days ago, a student in first grade told me that she was feeling mixed emotions. I’ve seen a student in middle school who learned how to regulate her emotions enough to ease her anxiety. We’ve witnessed a student with a naturally hot temper step away from the group when provoked and not retaliate. On the playground, teachers have seen students resolve conflicts better than some adults can. I’ve had conversations about the challenge of perseverance with third graders who had a strong case of spring fever and watched their relief when we came up with a plan of action to help them get through those last few grueling months of school.
A very proud mother of a second-grade boy called to share a most heartwarming story. Her son Moshe accidentally dropped 3 dozen eggs on the floor. Unfortunately, his siblings started teasing him and were laughing at him for the big mess he made. After the mess was cleaned up, Moshe was nowhere to be found. This mother knew that Moshe struggled with anger management and was afraid that he was somewhere in the house fighting or hurting his siblings who had made fun of him. When she found him in his room, quietly looking at a book, she asked him what he was doing there. He responded that he was practicing the “2 B’s” he learned in Middos class, taking a Break and taking deep Breaths.
Another grateful mother sent me a message, thanking me for teaching the first-grade students about appropriate boundaries. She explained that her daughter was provoked on the bus and asked to do something that was not appropriate. The student told her mother that she didn’t agree to do it because she had learned in Middos class that what she was being asked to do was a “boundary cross”.
How This Program Has Positively Affected Our Parent Body
Parents these days are busy and overwhelmed like never before. Some parents are just not attuned to the emotional experience of their children. Since this program has started, parents seem to be attaching greater value to their children’s emotional health. Parents have been more open to the idea of counseling and have started asking for referrals and resources. Parents started calling me for advice regularly and even requested a chinuch class which, baruch Hashem, I’ve been able to provide. A few parents shared that these classes have helped to start important discussions at home and around the Shabbos table. I’m so glad to report that the teachers in our school have witnessed firsthand that many of our students have learned to be more in touch with their emotions, instead of being afraid, confused, or embarrassed by them.
Two Additional Benefits
An incredible benefit of including this program in our schools is the strong student-teacher kesher that this class creates. Everyone can be an active participant in this class. A student may not be academically inclined, yet his emotional intelligence shines bright in Middos class. It is this participation that enables the students to form a beautiful bond and strong connection with the teacher. This strong kesher is an invaluable key to a student’s growth and success as a person. A class where a student has a chance to be heard, validated, and understood is a gift that is priceless beyond measure.
But perhaps the most important benefit of all is the shift in the hearts and minds of teachers, students, and parents alike. Is it a shift in consciousness? I don’t know. But one thing I do know: finally, we have given due respect, importance, and chashivus to the art of “being a mensch”. To me, that is the most important lesson of all.
Mrs. Miriam Mammon is a teacher and the Social and Emotional Coordinator at Derech Hatorah of Rochester. Mrs. Mammon teaches Middos/S.E.L., Beur Tefillah, and Holocaust Studies to grades K-8. In addition, she gives parenting and shalom bayis courses and gives lectures on personal growth to the women of her community. Mrs. Mammon holds a B.A. In interdisciplinary studies from Binah Women’s College and she is a certified Life Coach. You can reach Mrs. Mammon at miriammammon@gmail.com.