ADHD Students and Their Teachers – Who Needs the Help?

by Rabbi Dov Gopin

I’ve been there and know what it’s like. I was in the middle of giving a great lesson, my talmidim were engaged and it seemed like smooth sailing. I felt great – that rush a mechanech feels when things are going right – but all that came to a halt when Chaim came up to the front of the class and started mimicking everything I was doing (and doing a respectable job of it!). “Not again, I thought…”

I must say it took everything I had within me to continue as if nothing was going on. It took even more inner strength for everyone else in the class to not react. I struggled to go on until my train of thought was completely derailed, and I had to politely ask Chaim to bring some papers to the Menahel which he had ‘requested.’

Chaim was a typical twelve-year-old with ADHD, such a kind-natured boy who wanted to do the right thing, but to put it mildly, he could not stay on task for long – and that was after he had taken his medication! Learning was an extreme challenge, but so was just making it through fifteen minutes without disrupting. And when he disrupted, he became the center of attention. I mean, who wouldn’t look at the boy who walked into the wall, put his face up to it and started talking loudly?

This was not the first time I had a child like Chaim in my class, but the way I dealt with him was vastly different than how I reacted to other students with ADHD in previous years. When I had such students in the past, I always thought that it was they who had to change. I had a powerful mindset switch that enabled me to view students with ADHD in a completely different light. That switch came at a class I attended given by Dr. Martin Kutscher, who explained (in terms I was able to understand) what the life of an ADHD kid was like and what we, as parents and educators, could do to help them navigate through their many challenges. It was then that I had an epiphany: I realized that they didn’t have to change per se – rather, it was I who had to rethink my strategies and how I would react to their behaviors. If I wanted my ADHD talmidim to thrive, it was up to me to make it happen.

It had been easy for me to say that the child with the ‘problem’ had to be taught, when in fact, it was I who needed to learn the proper tools to help such children. Helping students with ADHD survive and thrive often requires us – the educators – to work on ourselves first before we can help them.

In Dr. Kutscher’s book, “ADHD – Living Without Brakes”, he provides a list of principles of ADHD management. Below is a list of selected principles, along with my own explanations:

• Celebrate the ADHD person’s humor, creativity, and passion – It’s okay to get a little frustrated, as long as you still get a “kick” out of the student’s unique qualities. Celebrate the child’s humor, creativity, passion and ‘why not?’ attitude! It’s never too late to let your talmid make you smile! These are amazing kids, even if they don’t quite fit the mold of most other talmidim.
• Let the student know that you believe in him despite the difficulties – While this is true with all of our talmidim, kids with ADHD need that constant reminder that we’re behind them, no matter what: “Hey, I see that you’re having difficulty – but I know that you can do it, and I’m going to help you along the way to get there!” Just like a tight rope walker uses a safety net in case he falls, we must be their safety net and let them know that we are always there to catch them and help them get back up.
• HATE ADHD, NOT THE PERSON WITH IT – Remember, this is how Hashem created him; he didn’t ask for his challenges. He’s trying to navigate and do his best, and, as his teacher, he is counting on you for assistance in navigating the often-restrictive confines of school and class. In our minds, we must separate the child from the actions. Those actions do not define who he is. Look deeper than what he is doing; it might even be helpful to make a list of his positive qualities and always keep a mental note. This way, when the challenges arise (and they will) you’ll be able to take the emotion out of the discipline. Instead of “that kid who did such and such,” you’ll be able say to yourself, “This wonderful boy needs my help right now to get back on track. Let’s see what I can do for him.”
• Recognize that attention issues in the child are only the tip of the iceberg – Five out of the nine possible criteria for the inattentive category of ADHD are in the areas of organization, and you need to meet just six of the criteria to qualify for the diagnosis of ADHD!  The fact that he can’t listen for extended periods of time is just one aspect of his challenges.
• Don’t argue, nag, or try to share your wisdom with your talmid. Instead, either decide that the issue is aggravating but not significant enough to warrant intervention; or make an appointment with him to discuss the issue – How many times do we notice when they’re not doing what they shouldn’t be doing (or what we believe they shouldn’t be doing,) and try to redirect them, only to get involved in an argument that quickly spirals out of control?  Stop and think: Is this worth it? Am I willing to go to war over the fact that he’s not sitting straight in class? When the Ramban writes (Iggeres HaRamban), “all your words should be pleasant” – it doesn’t only mean what you say, but also how you say it. The last thing this child wants to hear for the fiftieth time is, “Please sit down and put your finger on the place!” While this may be challenging, it is incumbent on us to keep our long-term goals for these students in our purview and not get sidetracked by the ‘trivial things’ that may cause problems now but won’t detract from the overall picture. It’s just not worth it.
• Although ADHD is not the child’s “fault,” he will still ultimately be the one to deal with the consequences of his behavior – There are times when we may be tempted to say, “I know he punched a hole through the wall, but what can we expect? That’s how he is – he can’t control it.” Whatever truth there may be in that statement, it is our job to help him go through life as a productive member of Klal Yisrael and society at large. Letting him off the hook because he had ADHD won’t help him once he leaves school. (I don’t believe landlords have a discount for tenants with ADHD who wreck their apartments.)  Let’s also keep in mind that sooner or later, these students are going to have their בר מצוה and the responsibilities that come along with it!  We can’t just throw up our hands and say, “Oh well” – we must teach him, as best we can, about the positive and/or negative consequences of his actions and to accept that responsibility.
• “The children who need love the most will always ask for it in the most unloving ways.” (a teacher, quoted by Russell Barkley) – We may sometimes wonder, “Why does he keep walking up to me even though I’ve told him countless times before that he can’t come up to my desk?!” If we take a step back, we may realize that he’s really trying to get our attention – because he wants that connection with us. Counterintuitive? Perhaps. But it’s possible this is the only way he knows to get our attention, hoping that we’ll reciprocate in a way that furthers a connection – not severing it. Since these kids aren’t conventional learners and may be getting in trouble more often, they need that connection with their Rebbi even more. It might take more effort on your part, but that connection may be what keeps him going through all the discipline he’s receiving day in and day out.
• If it’s working, keep doing it. If not, do something else – As the saying goes: “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to keep getting what you’re getting.”  You’ve already told him to sit down a few times (he can’t), you’ve tried to take away his recess (which he needs!) and he just cannot put his homework in that folder no matter what you do! Maybe it’s time you tried something else.  Instead of talking across the room telling him to sit down, how about walking over to his desk, standing next to him, and reading from his sefer, pointing with your finger to the place? Perhaps it would help if you put his homework in the correct folder and then put it in his schoolbag for him? Is it harder to do these things? Sure! Will you get different results? Undoubtedly! One thing is for certain: if you’re not willing to change your strategies, you can’t expect him to change either.
• This is not a contest with your student. The winner is not the one with the most points. The winner is the one whose talmid still loves them when they leave the classroom at the end of the year – It’s not about being right or wrong; it’s about whether this student knows and sees that you care for him and are willing to go that extra mile for him, no matter the situation.

There is so much these kids have to offer and many times, as they get out into the real world, they are remarkably successful because they are willing to take risks that others are not. Trying to box them in to fit the regular mold in school can be detrimental and will set them back instead of propelling them forward. We are the ones who must learn to make new circles out of the squares and only then will we be able to properly help them in our classroom – helping them not only to survive, but to thrive.

Adapting to their way of acting and learning new sets of strategies helped me and continues to help me immensely in my interactions with students with ADHD. All it took was for me to realize that it was I who had to do the learning and adapting. It’s almost ten years since Chaim was in my class and we are still in touch to this day. He still calls me ‘Rebbi,’ and I am proud to call him my talmid. However, in truth, it was he who taught me a thing or two.

Rabbi Dov Gopin assumed the position of S’gan Menahel at The Toronto Cheder in 2015 following five years of teaching 7th Grade. In this capacity, he closely collaborates with Rabbeim and regularly meets with talmidim to ensure their social-emotional well-being. In 2012, Rabbi Gopin joined a cohort at The University of Toronto and completed a course focusing in Special Education Instruction in Jewish Schools. He can be reached at 647-778-4861 or [email protected].

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