The Parent-Day School Partnership: An Essential 21st-Century Challenge and Opportunity
February 4, 2025
The Power of Parent-School Relationship
February 4, 2025
Rivka Gottlieb, Nicole Rzonzew, Rowan Bigham
The term “parent partnership” often conjures up visions of friendly parents volunteering for the PTO and other opportunities to give from their own time to the school. This vision, though, assumes happy parents who are in sync with the school, both in general and in the mutual effort to educate their children. What happens when parents and the school don’t see eye to eye, especially when a child begins to struggle in school, and the parent’s perspective begins to diverge from the school regarding the best approach to help the child?
Not too long ago, we found ourselves frequently on the opposite “side” of the parents’ perspective in identifying the cause of a child’s struggles and finding solutions to help them thrive. It felt like a game of tug-of-war, with little effort to meet in the middle. This dynamic made it challenging to work together effectively to support the student in meaningful ways. We realized we needed to take a hard look at how we approached parents and find a way to encourage them to partner with us and the school, creating a plan that made sense for the student while staying within the school’s capacity.
Asking Ourselves the Difficult Questions
We started by asking difficult questions about our interactions with parents. What was the goal of meeting with them? Did the responsibility lie solely with the parents or the school? This blame game left one person unsupported: the child. It became clear that the responsibility did not belong to one party alone. Instead, we needed to partner and work together to be creative and flexible in helping the student. This required us to change our language and approach to bring parents in as allies, not adversaries.
Also, we asked: Why was their finger-pointing? Were parents correct to be frustrated with our implementation of plans and ideas? Were we correct to blame parents for failing to follow through on our suggestions? We realized that we needed a method to keep both ourselves and the parents accountable for our roles in supporting the student.
Developing a New Meeting Protocol
We established a new protocol for parent meetings. The first step was to identify the need to be addressed for the child, whether academic, behavioral, emotional, or some combination of these. This need would guide our interactions and decisions throughout the process. Next, we set a goal for what we wanted the child to achieve. This goal was intentionally broad and focused on helping the child succeed without dictating a specific path to get there. While we often had suggestions based on past successes, we acknowledged that none of us held all the answers.
We invited parents to a “Team [child’s name]” meeting to explore their perspectives, experiences, and feelings. This initial dialogue was crucial for setting the tone of the meeting and ensuring parents felt heard. Building trust with families became a primary focus, often requiring multiple meetings before a shared goal could be established. Parents needed to trust that we genuinely cared about their child’s success and that we saw their child as a whole, celebrating their gifts and acknowledging their challenges.
Building Trust and Accountability
To build trust, we implemented strategies such as note-taking during meetings. At the start of each meeting, we informed parents that one team member would take notes that would be shared afterward with everyone present. These notes recorded key points discussed and concluded with specific action items. Responsibilities were clearly delineated, specifying tasks for the school and the parents, along with any relevant timelines. This documentation proved invaluable in maintaining accountability and reinforcing the message that we were all working toward the same goal: the child’s success.
We also learned to adjust our expectations regarding time. Previously, we approached meetings with the intention of achieving a specific outcome by the end. Now, we recognize that child development takes time and is an ongoing process. Our meetings, held every six to eight weeks, serve as checkpoints to review progress and strengthen the partnership. This shift in mindset has been transformative, allowing us to approach challenges with patience and adaptability.
Challenges and Growth
While we have many success stories, there are still meetings that don’t go as planned. Some parents may reject our observations or insist it’s solely the school’s responsibility to “fix” the issue. In the past, such interactions would leave us frustrated and disheartened. Now, we approach these situations with empathy, recognizing that parents’ reactions often stem from deeper concerns or stressors. We remind ourselves to support the parent as we do their child. Sometimes, we can turn the situation around; other times, we focus on loving the child more and doing our best within the circumstances.
Positive Outcomes
Fostering effective parent partnerships has been a game-changer for our Lower School. We’re seeing remarkable progress in our students, even those facing significant challenges. By working collaboratively with families, we gain a more comprehensive understanding of each child, acknowledge our mistakes, and hold ourselves accountable when things don’t go as planned. We’ve also developed the ability to reflect on past experiences, using them to inform our approach to future students.
Notably, we’ve managed to build relationships with parents who initially seemed adversarial. Through open communication and mutual respect, we’ve found creative solutions for students who don’t fit the traditional mold. The trust and collaboration fostered through this process have allowed us to celebrate the joy of seeing children thrive in ways we hadn’t imagined.
Conclusion
Shifting our focus from assigning blame to fostering collaboration has transformed our approach to parent partnerships. By creating a structured yet flexible process, we’ve built stronger relationships with families and achieved remarkable outcomes for our students. While challenges remain, our commitment to open communication, empathy, and shared accountability ensures that every child has the support they need to thrive. This journey has reinforced a powerful lesson: when schools and parents truly partner, the possibilities for student success are boundless.
Sample Meeting Conversation
Sample Meeting Conversation
To illustrate our approach, here’s a sample conversation from a typical meeting:
School Staff: Hello, thank you for coming in to partner with us so that we can support [child’s name]. We want to start by asking what you’ve been noticing about them at home and how that compares with what we’ve observed at school.
At this point, most parents share their observations and discuss previous communications with the teacher. This step is crucial for putting parents at ease. Often, we notice a visible relaxation as parents’ facial expressions soften and their posture loosens.
School Staff: Here’s what we’ve been observing. [We share insights from teachers and staff, connecting them to broader patterns.] Do any of these observations resonate with you?
Parents often confirm similarities between home and school experiences. From here, we discuss interventions already in place and explore additional strategies collaboratively.
School Staff: Based on our conversation, let’s brainstorm ideas together. We’re open to trying different approaches to see what works best for [child’s name].
Together, we establish action items for both the school and the parents and a timeline for implementation. Finally, we schedule a follow-up meeting in six to eight weeks to review progress.
School Staff: Thank you for your partnership. We’re committed to supporting [child’s name] and working together to help them succeed.
Many of our meetings conclude with warm handshakes or hugs, underscoring the mutual respect and shared commitment to the child’s well-being.
Rivka Gottlieb is the Lower School Judaic Principal at Robert M. Beren Academy in Houston, TX. She has over a decade of teaching experience in a variety of settings, both formal and informal, from young children to adults. Rivka prides herself on her commitment to continuously grow and learn, embodying the version of a lifelong learner she hopes her students will aspire to. You can follow her on Instagram @momed2.0 as she shares her musings on motherhood and leadership and how the roles blend to create invaluable lessons in both areas of her life.
Nicole Rzonzew was born in Colombia and spent most of her early years attending a Jewish day school in Bogotá. In 2000, she moved to the United States to pursue her education at the University of Houston, where she earned a bachelor’s degree in psychology. She later obtained a master’s degree in education from the University of Phoenix. Nicole returned to Colombia and served as principal of Gan Lubavitch for 15 years, gaining extensive experience in leadership and education. In February 2023, she relocated to Houston, Texas, where she currently works as the Lower School and Early Childhood Counselor, dedicating her expertise to fostering student well-being and social-emotional development.
Rowan Bigham serves as the Lower School General Studies Principal at Robert M. Beren Academy in Houston, TX. With over a decade of experience as a lead teacher and currently in her third year of administration, Rowan brings a deep passion for education and a commitment to fostering collaborative and open-minded learning environments.