Embracing Diversity while Fostering Jewish Identity through Tanach Study
June 26, 2025
The Blessings and Challenges of Diversity in a Jewish Day School
June 26, 2025
by Dvora Sarfaty
“I am so grateful that I am not an adolescent nowadays. You have many more challenges than we did, and I have no idea how I would have overcome them.” When I say this, my students laugh and think I am just joking or trying to be complimentary, but I explain to them that my generation grew up without computers, cell phones, and the internet, and as they try to wrap their heads around such a world, they do appreciate how my technology void was really a blessing. The spiritual challenges from technology that my classmates and I faced had to do with clunky VCRs and TVs, or large screens that could only be found in a theater. The music lovers among us had to deal with an apparatus called a radio, or fiddle with a tape recorder if the radio stations did not have what we were looking for. Life in the ’80s and ’90s was relatively idyllic and serene. Discussing this with my students, we realize together the advantages that Generation X had to develop during adolescence without the constant buzz of technology in our ears and before our eyes.
Things have changed. Students have changed. The classroom has changed. Our notion of learning has changed. However, the adolescent developmental stage has not changed. Our students are searching for their identity just as we did so many years ago, but now their search is more complicated as the knowledge they have and the roadblocks put in their way have become more complex with the advent of the internet and the cell phone. When we were growing up, expanding my knowledge of the world around me was difficult enough to make us think twice (people would see if I rented a movie from Blockbuster!) But now, teens in New Jersey can be directly impacted in their own homes by something said from as far away as Kobe, Japan. There is no difficulty involved, and there is no public space to navigate. Their lives can be changed in a second by a social media post from some TikTokker vacationing on the Amazon River while they are supposed to be doing their homework in their bedroom. The ghetto walls have not expanded; they have come down.
In school, technology is managed by policies and rules. For example, we have a no-phone school day. School computers are either filtered or not connected to the internet at all. We have had bumps over the years and have had to reformulate our limits for the Chromebooks, both for students and teachers, but we have formulated a technologically safe space in our school for our students. (Some of our students travel to school and bring phones, but the phones they bring have been checked by TAG and are left in the office during the school day.)
However, schools cannot easily control out-of-school technology usage with a policy. We encourage our students to filter all their devices and not to use the internet for entertainment. The reality is that for us and probably every school, there is some variety of what is acceptable at home. Among our students, some have phones with no text while others have smartphones in their homes. We have students with very little internet access and others who have access to unfiltered computers. Some of our students are sheltered from any video clips or social media, while others are able to access anything on the internet.
So, how does a school help its students with the challenges they face from technology when the student body is comprised of individuals with a wide range of standards at home and access to technology? While we have “tech talk” classes, yimei iyun, and student panels on the topic, the challenges our students face are so varied and often private. To address these individual concerns, we needed a program that enabled students to work on their challenges and develop better technology practices at their chosen pace.
While participating in a principal forum, our principal heard about a school in Switzerland that allowed each student to choose their own mechaneches (educational mentor) from among the school staff. This got her thinking and led to the development of our “choose your own tech mentor” program a few years ago.
We prepared a list of teachers who had volunteered to meet with students to discuss students’ personal tech challenges. Students were able to choose the teacher or teachers they would like to work with and were paired accordingly. Girls can reach out to their mentors in school or by school email to set up appointments. (They are even allowed to meet during class time if that is the only available mentor time.) Teachers track their hours and are paid for their time. Many teachers will spend time after their teaching hours meeting with students, and many of the students told me that teachers give the girls their phone numbers to call if they have a question or need chizuk. The program is completely voluntary for both students and teachers. Students can change mentors, and both kodesh and secular studies teachers participate.
Our students are unanimously grateful for the program. They were eager to share with me their experiences and observations. While some girls took advantage of the program more than others, one student told me, “If you’re open to it, this program is for everyone.” Students discussed with me that sometimes, when they went to their mentor for the first time, they knew they had a problem with technology use, but they weren’t sure what it was. The mentor often helped them figure out the issue and how to navigate it. In some cases, students were happy to receive the affirmation that they were in a good place and should just keep it up.
One tech mentor described a situation with a student who felt that she shouldn’t be shopping for clothing online. In conversation, the mentor found out that the student didn’t live near many clothing stores, and the girl’s mother preferred shopping online anyway and encouraged her daughter to do so. Together, the mentor and mentee concluded that as long as she was limiting her hours and shopping for what she needed, the time spent on the computer was not ‘wasted’ or ‘addictive’. The girl felt relieved.
Another tech mentor described a more serious problem. A student approached her feeling guilty and confused about spending hours scrolling through YouTube videos, wasting time, and exposing herself to inappropriate visuals and ideas. They decided to approach the challenge one week at a time with a self-imposed time limit for watching. The teacher also helped the student choose art projects to offer her an alternative to watching. They continued meeting, and the student was able to sustain her goal over time.
It is obviously up to the girls to seek help and exert self-control and commitment to create the change, but the teacher-student connection is one of the motivating factors. The girls expressed how they appreciate the individual attention and the fact that they can set the tone of the conversation and choose personal goals. One student discussed how the freedom of choice made her more committed to maintaining her technology commitment: “I like that it is a personal plan for me.” Students also discussed how they took the opportunity to connect with their tech mentor in other areas unrelated to technology. A student told me, “My mentor and I took on a commitment regarding Shabbos. Once you have a connection, you can discuss anything, not only tech.”
One of the tech mentors felt that many of her discussions were not so much about the technology challenge itself but about the emotional issues that led to the challenge. Other mentors echoed her sentiments. A mentor described a few girls who turned to tech because they felt they had no friends. She referred these girls to the school guidance counselor after a few meetings. In one situation, a girl told her she would like to change her habit of FaceTiming with her camp friend for hours every night. The student felt the need to connect with this friend nightly because she was not satisfied with her social interactions during the day. The mentor helped her mentee commit to spending a specific amount of time with her family before going on FaceTime with her friend, which the girl was happy to do.
Not all girls are interested or ready to change their tech habits. This sometimes becomes clear when a girl has an initial meeting with a mentor and then does not make an appointment to meet again. Sometimes, a girl will make a commitment with her mentor but not follow through with it. A mentor said that sometimes girls “are not ready to take the plunge”, but may like to continue the relationship and will use the time to discuss other things. As the program is designed to meet the girls’ needs, everything is kept open and non-judgmental.
Of course, the most difficult situations arise when a student wants to change technology habits, but her family is against it. One girl wanted to put a filter on her personal computer, but her parents felt she should develop self-control without it. She and her tech mentor worked out a plan where the girl started by limiting her time on the computer. Eventually, her father did help her put a filter on her device, which she was very grateful for, but her gratitude also extended exponentially to her tech mentor: “I would not have been able to become the person I am today without her.” The smile on her face when she said this showed both her hakaras hatov and the confidence and serenity she had gained through her hard work and perseverance with her tech mentor’s support.
Difficulties also arise when the tech natives know more than their mentors! In addition to social media and trends that change about every three hours, our students are also more technically savvy than we are. Much discussion takes place in the teachers’ room, where information is shared freely. We’ve all become more knowledgeable about things like how filters can be circumvented.
Both mentors and students are highly satisfied with the program. They enjoy the connection that is based on ruchnius development. Students feel that their needs are met, and mentors also become more aware of their own tech habits. Significantly, the program has allowed our school to help students with a problem in a personalized, private way, allowing us to invest in a challenge we identified that didn’t seem to have a one-size-fits-all solution. By recognizing the diversity of students in this area, and in most areas of their character and lives, we’ve been able to help them in a meaningful way.
Dvora Sarfaty has an Ed.D. in Literacy Education. She is the English principal at Reenas Bais Yaakov in Edison and does ELA coaching at Yeshiva Ketana of Passaic. Dr. Sarfaty has been in the classroom for over 30 years and hopes to remain there for a long time!